So, I just got my result of RBI and I didn't get in,again.I feel awful. I kind of didn't even want to write here because I wanted this whole blog to be full of moments when I felt happy.
I saw a jdrama once where the main character says, "There are always times in people's life when they are at their peak and after that the life is all downhill." I feel like my peak was in high school and that wasn't even THAT high of a peak. Sure, I felt like I was smart and looked down on others who were worse at studies than me, but I was still an outcast, was bullied, had no best friends (still have no friends).
College was shit. I didn't learn shit. There's a moment in my last semester of college that basically sums up all the four years I spent there. Some new teachers, who studied in IITs were assigned to teach in our college. Most of them were not that much into teaching (like most of the teachers there), but one in particular seemed very full of himself and thought he could teach us what was supposed to be taught in 4 years, in a month. I barely attended his class but as the college threatened us with we-will-not-let-you-take-exams-if-you-have-short-attendence. I had to attend his class. I don't remember what the topic was, but I know the teacher was discussing exam paper with the class. He was asking everyone their answers and I was trying to duck my head low enough so that he doesn't ask me any questions but apparently it was not low enough, as he asked me a question. And since, I didn't study in college, I obviously gave wrong answer. I remember this moment so clearly. He started laughing and looking at the whole class and went, "wait, do we have some freshman mistakenly sitting in this class? I think a freshman would have more knowledge than you do."
Did he make me feel awesome? Um.. no. Did his mocking my lack of knowledge made me want to prove him wrong by topping the next exam? haha, no. But, I still feel like shit. So, I guess he succeeded.
Now that I think about it, if I had studied in IIT college and after post-graduate, got a job which paid 1 lakh rupees per month, I would also look down on someone who is studying in a shitty college and seems stupid to my eyes.
After being looked at by people as someone who is stupid for the whole of my college life. I have new found respect for people who just don't give a fuck about studies. And loath those top 10% "smart people" who boast about getting good grades in an exam. Like, you do you but don't look down on those who don't care about your supposed "smartness".
Don't get me wrong, I don't think those people are not smart, neither do I think that their effort shouldn't be applauded. I just think, just because they got in a good college or have a job which pays a lot of money, doesn't give them any right to look down on others.
Anyway, since I have talked about things that make me sad. Now I'm going to write things that made me happy in the past couple of days:
Silence of the REM by Hash Swan: The whole album is so so so good.
I specifically like this song called "5 more minutes." It's kind of dark but not in the "oh, I'm gonna wear black mascara, dress in all black and paint my nails black too because that's gothic and coooool," but more like, sitting in a corner looking at your phone and suddenly there's a poll of "who here thinks they are a psychopath?" and though there's nothing distinctive about your appearance, you're the first one to raise your hand while you're still looking at phone, all nonchalant like, "I'm a psychopath duh." and everyone's literally staring at you while you don't seem to give a fuck.
So, when I first heard this song I thought in the chorus he says, "Close my eyes and count to 5, am I fucking psychopath?" and that was the reason I instantly fell for this song. But, when I looked up the lyrics online, apparently it is, "Close my eyes again right away, am I a fucking psychopath?" I mean, it's less impactful for me personally, but I still LOVE the song.
Also, the way Koreans say psychopath is so cool. idk.... it just feels more psychopathic?
Oh and when I was listening to Certified Noonas, one of them mentioned this album as, "So, Hash Swan has a new album out and even though I don't usually like rap songs I still LOVE the whole album. He's cursing a lot in the album and usually I don't like cursing in songs but, with this album, I'm like," hmm i see you, but it sounds good, so I don't care, CURSE AWAY KING". " This isn't exactly what she said but it was something like this.
Anyway, it made me listen to the album and I'm soooo glad I did listen to it, as it brings joy to me, haha.
Also, the day after today the new NCT-127 album is coming out. WOOOOO! Today is Kick-It Day! I hope it is good. Jaebaaaal~~~
I also like this indie band called Poetic Narrator. They're kind of like a more hyper Akmu if that makes sense.
Also, I hope The Rose can make music again.
Anyways, I have decided to work harder until I get a job.
Fighting, me!
The Rose too, fighting!
I saw a jdrama once where the main character says, "There are always times in people's life when they are at their peak and after that the life is all downhill." I feel like my peak was in high school and that wasn't even THAT high of a peak. Sure, I felt like I was smart and looked down on others who were worse at studies than me, but I was still an outcast, was bullied, had no best friends (still have no friends).
College was shit. I didn't learn shit. There's a moment in my last semester of college that basically sums up all the four years I spent there. Some new teachers, who studied in IITs were assigned to teach in our college. Most of them were not that much into teaching (like most of the teachers there), but one in particular seemed very full of himself and thought he could teach us what was supposed to be taught in 4 years, in a month. I barely attended his class but as the college threatened us with we-will-not-let-you-take-exams-if-you-have-short-attendence. I had to attend his class. I don't remember what the topic was, but I know the teacher was discussing exam paper with the class. He was asking everyone their answers and I was trying to duck my head low enough so that he doesn't ask me any questions but apparently it was not low enough, as he asked me a question. And since, I didn't study in college, I obviously gave wrong answer. I remember this moment so clearly. He started laughing and looking at the whole class and went, "wait, do we have some freshman mistakenly sitting in this class? I think a freshman would have more knowledge than you do."
Did he make me feel awesome? Um.. no. Did his mocking my lack of knowledge made me want to prove him wrong by topping the next exam? haha, no. But, I still feel like shit. So, I guess he succeeded.
Now that I think about it, if I had studied in IIT college and after post-graduate, got a job which paid 1 lakh rupees per month, I would also look down on someone who is studying in a shitty college and seems stupid to my eyes.
After being looked at by people as someone who is stupid for the whole of my college life. I have new found respect for people who just don't give a fuck about studies. And loath those top 10% "smart people" who boast about getting good grades in an exam. Like, you do you but don't look down on those who don't care about your supposed "smartness".
Don't get me wrong, I don't think those people are not smart, neither do I think that their effort shouldn't be applauded. I just think, just because they got in a good college or have a job which pays a lot of money, doesn't give them any right to look down on others.
Anyway, since I have talked about things that make me sad. Now I'm going to write things that made me happy in the past couple of days:
Silence of the REM by Hash Swan: The whole album is so so so good.
I specifically like this song called "5 more minutes." It's kind of dark but not in the "oh, I'm gonna wear black mascara, dress in all black and paint my nails black too because that's gothic and coooool," but more like, sitting in a corner looking at your phone and suddenly there's a poll of "who here thinks they are a psychopath?" and though there's nothing distinctive about your appearance, you're the first one to raise your hand while you're still looking at phone, all nonchalant like, "I'm a psychopath duh." and everyone's literally staring at you while you don't seem to give a fuck.
So, when I first heard this song I thought in the chorus he says, "Close my eyes and count to 5, am I fucking psychopath?" and that was the reason I instantly fell for this song. But, when I looked up the lyrics online, apparently it is, "Close my eyes again right away, am I a fucking psychopath?" I mean, it's less impactful for me personally, but I still LOVE the song.
Also, the way Koreans say psychopath is so cool. idk.... it just feels more psychopathic?
Oh and when I was listening to Certified Noonas, one of them mentioned this album as, "So, Hash Swan has a new album out and even though I don't usually like rap songs I still LOVE the whole album. He's cursing a lot in the album and usually I don't like cursing in songs but, with this album, I'm like," hmm i see you, but it sounds good, so I don't care, CURSE AWAY KING". " This isn't exactly what she said but it was something like this.
Anyway, it made me listen to the album and I'm soooo glad I did listen to it, as it brings joy to me, haha.
Also, the day after today the new NCT-127 album is coming out. WOOOOO! Today is Kick-It Day! I hope it is good. Jaebaaaal~~~
I also like this indie band called Poetic Narrator. They're kind of like a more hyper Akmu if that makes sense.
Also, I hope The Rose can make music again.
Anyways, I have decided to work harder until I get a job.
Fighting, me!
The Rose too, fighting!
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